25
Jun
15

screamers

So, there was a live baby chipmunk in Keta and Francine’s bedroom the other day.  Keta thought Tiger wanted to cuddle.  She didn’t.  She had a gift!  There was a lot of chaos.  The cat was confused.  The baby chipmunk was panicked.  Keta and Francine were screaming.  I was chasing the cat with the chipmunk then I was chasing the cat chasing the chipmunk then I was chasing the chipmunk trying to play defense against the cat.  I was holding a bag.  Thankfully the little guy escaped under the door into the next room.  Pretty sure neither of us would have been thrilled for him to be in the bag if by some miracle I was able to get him into it.  Then I couldn’t find him.  So I  locked the cat in the room with Keta and Francine and  locked the dogs in the backyard and opened the front door and left the room to let him escape without fear, but he didn’t.  I didn’t know if I should hope to find his decaying body at some unknown point later in the summer or hope he was alive and no doubt waiting to pounce on me in my sleep.  I finally found him maybe an hour later and got him back outdoors with him and Keta and Francine screaming the whole time.

They might not look like it, but they’re screamers, both of them.

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22
Jun
15

summer fun

Hiking, camping, and fun with cousins, it’s been an amazing summer so far!

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18
Jun
15

letter

To the PA who thinks that since my daughters have been home for three years there’s nothing wrong with telling them they aren’t in the same family and that there’s no longer any need to reinforce to them about family,

I don’t keep secrets from my daughters.  They know everything about their past and their adoption that I know.  It’s not a lot, but I never want them wondering if I’m keeping things from them, adoption related or not.  They know they were adopted.  They know that they have different first mamas and talk a lot about what this forever mama thing means.  At times, it seems they’re not paying attention.  You might not think they heard you tell them they’re not in the same family and you might not think they know what that means, but they were paying attention.  Sadly, life has taught them to keep an eye on adults, to be wary.  Certainly they’re more trusting and less hyper-vigilant than they use to be, but they’re mostly paying attention.

After we returned home from that appointment the questions started and the confusion began to be expressed and that night we had a wet bed which we haven’t had in six months.  So, thanks.

F- Mama am I in your family? Well then who is in Keta’s family?  So, you’re OUR real mama?  Well, if something happens to you whose family will I be in?

Even though you didn’t mean to be offensive, your comment was.  It was offensive and insensitive and confusing to kiddos and not without consequence.  I promise you don’t know more about my daughters or their international adoption than I do.  Please when I tell you something is insensitive believe me.  I’m not trying to be combative or mean, I’m trying to help you better understand the people who are right in front of you.

I think my daughters are back to believing, as much as they did before anyway.

05
Jun
15

mama bear

We went to a new pediatrician today and I sort of lost my cool.  The first thing she says is, “So they’re not in the same family.”

I don’t think I remained stoic.  Pretty sure my jaw dropped, my eyes got huge, my face turned red, and my heart rate increased.  They are absolutely in the same family, mine, ours.  I’ve worked really hard to express this to Keta and Francine and continue to do so, DAILY.  No, they are not biologically related, but don’t walk into a room and tell my two kids that they aren’t in the same family.  She was shocked that I was defensive.  I understand she wasn’t trying to be rude, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is rude and completely insensitive.  I very calmly explained that although not biologically related, they are indeed in the same family and I would always stand up for them, especially in front of them!  I tried to convey that kiddos with adoption in their background, especially ones not adopted as infants, likely never get to that cozy I belong 100% and everything is just as it should be place and if they do get to that point it’s not when they’re as young as my daughters. Her response (not without attitude), “Well, I have 25 years of experience with pediatrics.  They’ve been here three years so I cannot imagine there’s ANY need to reinforce to them about family.”

What?!?

She went on to say that if I didn’t want to answer questions about them we should have talked privately before and I could leave if I was going to continue to be defensive and why did I not bring all of their adoption paperwork?    How was I to know she’d walk into the room and tell my daughters they’re not in the same family?  They’ve done and are doing exceptionally well, but comments like this are hurtful and confusing.  We’re living it, so maybe we’re a bit sensitive.  The intention might not be negative at all, but I have to help my family recover from the consequences of comments like this.  We’re more and more able to brush off a lot with nothing more than a quick discussion.  I guess I was caught off guard.  Sigh.

03
Jun
15

gradulation

Keta “gradulated” from kindergarten and was pretty thrilled about it.   The class of 2027 sang a few songs and each was presented a completion certificate.  I was proud, and all too aware I’ll blink and be  watching the class of 2027 “gradulate” from high school.  I like to think that I’ll be sitting here on my patio that day in 2027 marveling about how quickly time flies and how proud I am.  We’ll compare a photo from that day to this one….

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10
May
15

mama’s day

We celebrated mama’s day with an afternoon tea.  Keta and Francine helped prepare lots of fancy little finger foods and were thrilled to have tea like big girls.  I told them that usually people dressed up and sometimes even wore fancy hats for high tea.  They disappeared downstairs trying on all of their dress-up clothes and antique hats and came back up perfectly dressed for our tea.  Love these girls!

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas and all the first mamas and all the forever mamas and all the waiting  mamas!

03
May
15

carnivore

There’s a really big festival in our little town this weekend, the 77th annual, but a Farmer girl first.  There’s a parade, block parties, craft fairs, concerts, band competitions, a carnival, and much more.  I was in for the parade and told K and F about it a few weeks ago.  I was going to keep the carnival a secret, forever.  Francine got in the car after school on Monday and in the most excited and animated way told me that there was going to be a carnivore this weekend too!  Thanks for that, whoever at school.

me –A carnivore! What’s a carnivore?

Francine — It’s like a parade and a circus! (She’s never been to a circus.)

Keta was just as excited to hear that there was a carnivore when F told her, and just as clueless.

We did it, we went to the carnivore.  Each ride was more fun than the last.  It was almost a crushing blow to stand in front of that stick and need to look up at the green-you’re-tall-enough-section way overhead, but F recovered pretty quickly and was still thrilled with all the kiddo rides.

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