I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been without K and F in the last year, non-work related of course.  It seems like since they happen every few months that I’d really enjoy them, these one or two hour mini vacations.  Seems like I’d remember them fondly and look forward to the next one.  Instead, I kind of don’t know what to do with myself.  Time, just for myself, for whatever I want!  What a gift!  But now what?  What did I do before?

Before, I could complete a 5 a.m. workout without disturbing anyone but Milo, and he was only disturbed enough to sneak from his bed on the floor to the warm spot I had just vacated.  Now, I’m maybe ten minutes in before sleepy, stumbling little ones wander from bed rubbing tired eyes and looking for a cuddle.  How did I eat breakfast everyday without the entertaining and funny ways of  little ones scolding their olecranon processes, elbows, for “keeps getting on the table after I’s ask you not to, you silly cranon poss” and spinning their spoons around and around saying, “concave, convex, concave, convex” and completely forgetting the idea is to get some food in the belly before we dash off to school?  Writing this reminds me to relax and just enjoy the silliness, but what did I do before?

Before, I didn’t read a lot of stuff that rhymes and I wasn’t constantly spelling things and answering why everything and I certainly didn’t sing a lot, especially about opples and banonos.  I didn’t know about a pigeon’s dream of driving a bus or about an hornery duck or a pig who insists on wearing mostly red.  I didn’t know about Chocolate Me! or Blue Moo and now I can hardly imagine a day without.  I’m always happy when Choco finally finds his mother and I feel sad for Horace connecting his spots with marker to make stripes, just trying to look more like everyone else in his family.  Before, I read lengthy books with chapters and everything.  Now, I read three books in about twelve minutes.

Before, I didn’t have to worry that I might be doing it all wrong or that even though I might be doing some of it right, that little bit that’s wrong is bigger and undoes all the rest and worse than starting all over with the healing I’ve actually maybe made things worse and how do I know and what should I maybe have done instead?  Before, throwing a tennis ball answered any question of, are you okay, am I what you need?  Ah, the easy and relaxed days of before.

Even though it wasn’t that long ago, before was another life I guess.  Aside from reading books without pictures and finishing whole workouts, I don’t really know what I did before.  Now, it’s pretty great.



2 Responses to “before”

  1. 1 Shannon
    May 23, 2013 at 8:54 am

    I just caught up on reading the past several months of the blog. Thanks again for sharing your experiences with us!

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