mother’s day

I’m thrilled to be a mother, love it.  Like being a mother, becoming a mother was extremely difficult in so many ways, but worth it in every way.  I’d do it again.  Millions of kids in need and all that.  Mother’s day can be a tough day for us, kind of like “Gotcha Day.”  We don’t celebrate that day, really, or call it Gotcha Day.  Let’s remember with excitement and enthusiasm the day you lost everything you knew!  Remember how traumatic and terrifying that was?  Let’s party!  We call it familyversary and we’re happy that day, but it’s low-key.  We tell the stories if they’re wanted that day and we have a special treat if it seems okay.  I remember that day as a much anticipated end to The Wait.  Joy!  I knew my daughters would be safe, or at least with me, their mama.  I’d finally get to know my children, who had for the first three years of their lives been absent from mine.  Joy!  But there was tremendous sadness and loss too.  These are the bravest, strongest, most resilient and trusting children, these kids with first mamas and forever mamas.  I cannot begin to express my awe.  It’s a good thing my two won’t read this until they’re older.  Yep, mama is in awe of you.  Now, get your elbows off the table and stop feeding the dogs your vegetables!  I’m in awe, but it’s real at our house.   Like our familyversary, mother’s day can be tough.
“A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” –Jody Landers
We all knew it was mother’s day.  K and F had worked on a surprise mother’s day gift at school that Francine had kept a secret for almost nine seconds.  I asked if they were thinking about their first mamas.  They said not really.  I was going to try to tell them that I was.  I was thinking about their first mamas.  One not given a choice, but the other trusting some unknown someone to care for and raise her baby.  I don’t know what her circumstances were or what led her to that decision, but it could not have been easy.  I was going to tell them that I knew their first mamas must have been smart and beautiful to have such smart and beautiful daughters.  I was going to tell them I knew their first mamas were strong and brave and that I thought of them often.  I was going to tell them, but I couldn’t.  Mother’s day can be tough.
Each of my daughters has a “first mama box.”  The boxes are for pictures or letters or whatever K and F want them to be for.  They’re not used that much yet and maybe won’t ever be, but they’re there for whatever purpose they might serve.  We don’t know much, but we want to love and honor our family’s first mamas.  A tragedy and a privilege.  We get it.
So, happy mother’s day to all the first mamas and all the forever mamas and all the waiting mamas, happy mother’s day to all the mamas!

3 Responses to “mother’s day”

  1. 1 Ruth
    May 14, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Beautifully said 🙂 I can’t imagine a more wonderful “forever mama” for these girls. Just knowing that you think about their “first mamas” and that you care will mean a lot to them as they grow.

  2. 2 jenny
    May 16, 2014 at 4:14 pm


  3. 3 Bibi
    May 16, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    So beautifully written and so expressive. I’m so sorry the girls had such heartache in their lives, but I’m so grateful they have you. You three amaze me every single day.

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