mama bear

We went to a new pediatrician today and I sort of lost my cool.  The first thing she says is, “So they’re not in the same family.”

I don’t think I remained stoic.  Pretty sure my jaw dropped, my eyes got huge, my face turned red, and my heart rate increased.  They are absolutely in the same family, mine, ours.  I’ve worked really hard to express this to Keta and Francine and continue to do so, DAILY.  No, they are not biologically related, but don’t walk into a room and tell my two kids that they aren’t in the same family.  She was shocked that I was defensive.  I understand she wasn’t trying to be rude, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is rude and completely insensitive.  I very calmly explained that although not biologically related, they are indeed in the same family and I would always stand up for them, especially in front of them!  I tried to convey that kiddos with adoption in their background, especially ones not adopted as infants, likely never get to that cozy I belong 100% and everything is just as it should be place and if they do get to that point it’s not when they’re as young as my daughters. Her response (not without attitude), “Well, I have 25 years of experience with pediatrics.  They’ve been here three years so I cannot imagine there’s ANY need to reinforce to them about family.”


She went on to say that if I didn’t want to answer questions about them we should have talked privately before and I could leave if I was going to continue to be defensive and why did I not bring all of their adoption paperwork?    How was I to know she’d walk into the room and tell my daughters they’re not in the same family?  They’ve done and are doing exceptionally well, but comments like this are hurtful and confusing.  We’re living it, so maybe we’re a bit sensitive.  The intention might not be negative at all, but I have to help my family recover from the consequences of comments like this.  We’re more and more able to brush off a lot with nothing more than a quick discussion.  I guess I was caught off guard.  Sigh.


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